fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
