i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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