I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
