I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
