It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
