When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize