All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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