just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
