I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
