I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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