My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize