Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize