I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have aggressive nipples.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
