4 words: hood of his car
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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