There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
