I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize