You can't special order awesome
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
