please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
