I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That accounts for only three of the penises
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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