My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
