im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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