We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
