I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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