I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
