i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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