Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I will pee on everything he values.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
