Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
