Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize