is your mom at the bar?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
