kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
