why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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