I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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