We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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