why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
