I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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