I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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