i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
