Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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