the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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