so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
