dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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