Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
