all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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