You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
