Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
