i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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