I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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