God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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