At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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