if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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