Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
