Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
