My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize