I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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