Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
