just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
