when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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