I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
