I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
