Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
