The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize