ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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