i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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