I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
