You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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