Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
