He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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