Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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