Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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