He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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