I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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