Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
