That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
do herpes really smell.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
