i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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