Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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