she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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